When he was going through his divorce, Steven May turned to family law attorney David Pisarra for help sorting out not only custody of his daughter but also who would keep their three dogs, two cats, and a parrot.
Aleksandra Nejman understands the heartbreak. For years, she and Frankie, a lab-Rottweiler mix with a beaming grin, were inseparable companions. Frankie rode shotgun in her convertible, shared her pasta at the local Italian place, and rested his paw on her hand as she worked from home.
Then came the split with Frankie’s owner. One day, the 60-pound dog who had been part of her everyday life simply vanished. “It felt like there was a gaping hole in my heart,” says Nejman, 28, a Chicago attorney. Unable to agree on terms with her ex, she eventually reached out to Charles Regal, a mediator who specializes in pet custody and care.
Disputes over pets may sound frivolous, but they’re becoming increasingly common. Rising divorce rates combined with a booming pet industry have fueled the trend. According to the American Pet Products Association’s National Pet Owners Survey, households with pets jumped from 56 percent in 1988 to 68 percent by 2013. Meanwhile, spending on animals climbed from $17 billion in 1994 to over $53 billion by 2012. Divorce rates have hovered between 40 and 50 percent for decades. And when the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers last polled members, a quarter reported a marked uptick in pet-custody cases.
What kinds of creatures end up at the center of these battles often depends on geography. Maria Cognett, president of the AAML, recalls that in rural areas horses tend to be the most contested animals—though she once handled a case involving a llama. A husband demanded half of his wife’s llamas, not out of affection, but as leverage in negotiations.
As pets are increasingly seen as bona fide family members, the emotional stakes can resemble child custody disputes. Steven May, who has been through it firsthand, notes that adopting a pet together often represents the first step toward building a family. Even after a breakup, the bond with the animal doesn’t disappear. A thoughtful co-parenting plan, he says, can help couples heal some of the hurt. May and Pisarra even co-authored a book on the topic, What About Wally: Co-Parenting a Pet With Your Ex.
Regal offers practical advice for couples navigating separation: prioritize self-care, avoid arguing in front of the pets, and, if necessary, bring in a mediator. While some lawyers and mediators handle pet disputes occasionally, Regal is among the few in the country who focus exclusively on them. He began specializing a decade ago after seeing how poorly courts handled these cases—often reducing beloved animals to mere property, no different than a sofa.
Instead, Regal treats animals as participants with their own needs and perspectives. In mediation, he refers to them by name and keeps their photos close during calls. “When someone contacts me, I don’t start by asking about the breakup,” Regal explains. “I ask about the animal—what they’re like, how old they are, how they might be feeling.”
While he’s mediated over bunnies—one of which belonged to a biker gang—he draws the line at snakes, which he finds unnerving.
Regal views mediation as collaborative problem-solving, guiding clients through issues like vet expenses, visitation schedules, feeding routines, and more. His services cost $350 for the initial hour and $200 for each additional hour, with most cases resolved in two to three hours.
Nejman reached out to Regal last September, still missing Frankie months after the breakup. She had been in her relationship since shortly after her ex adopted Frankie and was there for all of the dog’s milestones—from his rambunctious puppy phase to his health challenges. Even after separating in March, she continued to see Frankie until July, when she says she was suddenly cut off. Frankie’s birthday was still months away, but Nejman had already begun preparing a photo collage for him. She hoped Regal might persuade her ex to let her deliver it. (Her former partner declined to speak with Newsweek.)
Regal acknowledges that his approach isn’t for everyone. Clients need to care deeply about their animals to engage in this process. He certainly understands that devotion himself. A longtime San Francisco resident, he credits his late cat, Sapphire, with saving his life by waking him when his blood sugar plummeted. Though he’s never had to split custody with a romantic partner, he remembers a relationship that ended because the woman was allergic to cats.
“Guess who stayed and guess who left?” he says with a smile.
Source:https://www.newsweek.com/divorce-doggy-style-207106